


Sweet Words

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Mass Effect 3, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 11:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6904345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drunk Kaidan is the best Kaidan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Words

“Oh come on,” Shepard began, swinging her arm around and nearly spilling her drink. “The Mako wasn’t that bad.”

“The Mako was fine,” Garrus answered, chuckling lightly. “Your driving might have left a little something to be desired, however.”

“Like stable, flat ground,” Tali added, her words slurring more by the minute. “Or six flat tires.”

The commander gasped in feigned offense. “No one died because of the Mako. Except, like, a thousand geth–”

She was interrupted by an arm playfully curling around her waist. Kaidan appeared, sporting a ridiculously wide grin as he pulled her close.

“Hey, Shepard. Feel my sweater,” he said, completely oblivious to the chorus of snickers around them.

“What?” She clearly didn’t understand what was happening or why he would make such an odd demand out of the blue.

“You know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material,” he responded.

The commander stared at him for a long moment, completely flabbergasted. She wasn’t sure whether she should laugh, cry, or punch him for being so corny. One sniff, however, alerted her to the root of the problem. “WREX!”

“Something wrong, Shepard?” The krogan in question appeared, clearly understanding the accusatory tone in her voice and barely containing his laughter.

“Please tell me why Kaidan smells like that swill you drink?”

“He said he could handle it. Something about a crazy biotic metabolism. Don’t worry. I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Wrex answered, lifting his cup to the Major.

“I’m totally fine,” Kaidan echoed, wavering a little on his feet. “On a scale of one to ten, you’re a nine and I’m the one you need.”

Her eyes narrowed as she stifled a snort. The snickering of the others was blossoming into poorly hidden chuckles. “Wrex?”

“He also claimed to have the best pickup lines in the galaxy.”

“This is the greatest thing that’s ever happened. Ever.” Joker didn’t bother to hide his amusement as he meandered along with the Major who had apparently already selected his next target.

“Hey Cortez, are you a beaver? Because _DAM_.” Kaidan had barely settled in to lean on the counter top beside the lieutenant before he began to move again, clearly on a mission.

“Wow. Really?” It was all the pilot could say before bursting into laughter.

He next sauntered over to Tali, who seemed equally inebriated. “Hey, your hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.”

Shepard slapped a palm to her forehead as Tali giggled and pulled her hand away from his grip. She gave him a gentle shove on the shoulder, sending them both off balance for a moment.

When Kaidan caught himself, he was standing face to face with a smirking Liara. “Do you have any raisins?”

“Um… no…” came the asari’s slow and skeptical reply.

“How about a date?”

The sound that escaped her then was something between a groan a chuckle of pity. The entire apartment was echoing with laughter and the Major appeared to be rather pleased with himself. He nodded and smiled, obviously unconcerned about the possibility that all of their friends might have been laughing _at_ him rather than _with_ him.

“Is this how he landed you, Lola?” James inquired. Shepard had the feeling that he’d been dying to ask since this entire fiasco had begun.

“I’ve never heard any of this,” she answered, her gaze locked on the man she loved, wondering how he’d fallen for such an obvious trap. “Sorta wish I hadn’t.”

“Come on! These are gold!” Kaidan protested. He took a seat next to Garrus and crossed his arms as though upset that she wasn’t impressed with his stellar display. A long moment passed where the laughter died down to a dull roar before he turned his attention to the turian.

“Hey, Garrus, are you my appendix? Because I don’t know a lot about you and I have a feeling in my gut that I should take you out.”

Shepard swore that she felt the building shake with the raucous noise that the crew made following that one.

“Am I your… what?” Garrus clearly had no idea how to interpret that line. Shepard suspected that turians didn’t have an appendix.

“Alright, loverboy,” the commander said as she looped her arm around Kaidan’s, gently urging him up. “Let’s go get you some water.”

“I’m so glad I recorded all of that. I can’t wait to watch it again,” Liara said in a sweet but somehow devastating tone. She was already tapping at her omni-tool to lock it away as a Shadow Broker secret, it seemed.

Once Shepard practically forced the water down her fellow Spectre’s throat, she glared over her shoulder at the asari. Liara smiled in response, her freckled face contorting with subtle, devious joy.

“Don’t worry, Commander. You’ll get a copy, too. For posterity.”


End file.
